artandlove.

  I thought it was a good idea to start 2015 off with a new designer crush lol which is exactly what happened after I finished reading Roots of Style, the memoirs of Isabel Toledo filled with artwork from her husband, Ruben Toledo.

It was such an inspiring story about love, following your instincts and trusting your individuality and discovering your own personal style signature. Honestly, I wasn't very familiar with Isabel before reading this. I'd seen Ruben's work plenty of times and even own a few books he illustrated, but after referencing images of them for a photoshoot, I became intrigued by their style and ordered the book.. and now I will without a doubt be a lifelong fan.

I am always going on (preaching to the choir, I know, I know) about how different the world is now. Social media is a beast that will never die and has changed everything about the way everything happens. I cannot deny that I am obsessed with documenting every detail of my life in a way that our parents were not able to do, but I have to wonder if all that exposure and accessibility to so many things is good?

  I love learning about creative people who really grew into who they are from an early age. That recognized the interests they had as a child and how those interests and hobbies morphed into skills that shaped them into the individuals they are today.

Reading about how Isabel and Ruben met and did the whole struggling artist thing in the old New York (that I love to read about) and met developed friendships with iconic artists, designers, editors, etc. through various jobs and mutual friends was so deliciously refreshing, because I feel like that doesn't happen anymore.

Everyone is a designer, everyone has a magazine, everyone, everyone, everyone. Everything is exclusive and limited edition and one-of-a-kind — which to me makes it seem like nothing is.

I loved reading about their partnership and her first fashion shows and how after many years she decided to jump off the endless wheel of pumping out shows every season so that she could focus on her work and more learning.

  I love how she gave herself time to figure out what she was going to do in the begininning. She tried a bunch of different jobs, all while continuing to work on her designs (because it was like breathing) all of which she took little pieces from that helped her significantly in the end. Everything didn't have a purpose or a plan. It just flowed, like her style. I could go on and on, so I won't. But here are my favorite quotes:

If you can stay in love and keep your enthusiasm for what you choose to do with your life, you are living well indeed. Always keep in mind that patterns in life repeat themselves, so make a decision to own the patterns you want to keep.

Whether I was making a dress or Ruben was drawing a boat, we had both seen in ourselves, and in each other, that your creativity is your voice. It deserves to be sung often and at the top of your lungs.

You can make no better investment than spending time with your own ideas. Your generosity in granting time to yourself will be well rewarded. Doing this on your own time and by yourself is paramount to learning how to follow your own instincts and discovering your originality. Anything new, whether it's a dress, a song, or a painting, will not be easily understood right away— sometimes not even by yourself, the creator. You have to feel free to be misunderstood and allow time to work its magic.

IF YOU GET UNDERSTOOD TOO EARLY, MAYBE YOU'VE SAID IT ALL.

…Besides the financial difficulties, Ruben had gotten a bit of advice from Andy Warhol, who told him to quit school. "Just do what you already do, but bigger, and you'll be fine," Andy said. So Ruben did just that and never looked back.

After high school graduation, I stopped seeing Ruben as often. It is curious that, when a piece of a pattern in your life suddenly goes missing, every other piece comes undone.

There is no truer fact than that you never really know the person you are with. But, better than knowing is having confidence in not knowing.

Staying raw means leaving room in your life for the unexpected and unperfected. The raw in you is often the most sincere response. There will be enough time later to refine and edit, but to keep the raw flowing, all of your life is a treasure. When your life partner appreciates the raw in you, too, that's divine.

Art reflects life, and life reflects art, so this was love at its fullest. This very nurturing time was the essence of what it means to grow into yourself and into each other, separate but ver together, and to intertwine like two healthy vines.

We grew up in a very inclusive moment in time, one where the vibrant society around us was truly a diverse, democratize quilt. you were not defined by your age, race, sexual preference, bank account, or education. what counted most was your individual creativity. your personal spark of genius—however you might express it—that was your identity.

During this time, we were caught up in the washing machine of life, being spun round and round by our circumstances. We had no specific mold to break out of, but no time to be idle, either. We were buddy generating our own existence with no time for reflection. We had only the raw ideas. There was no time for perfecting things yet, or even polishing up our thoughts. All of that was yet to come.

All ideas have to start somewhere, and that somewhere is sometimes a very raw place. Your imagination needs to be free of editing. The urge to create should never be burdened with perfection. This is the importance of appreciating every stage of your life and work. You will never be in the exact same place again. These raws seeds you will nurture to fruition soon enough.

Since I was so busy working and sewing my life had to become as simplified and easy as possible. I was the opposite of a high-maintenance woman: I effortlessly adopted the concept of a closet for two and put to work my theory of a "streamlined me."

When you're an artist, there is no map to tell you which way to fly or safely net to catch you. Art is about discovery, invention, and the way you define your vision.

While reading on my flight home from New York I wrote this note to myself: it's not what you do. it's who it makes you. You are not what you do. I finally understand "the woman I wanted to be" ... who knows what I'll end up doing. Probably something I never thought of, BUT I know it will end up with me traveling around constantly all over the world, with a quiet homebase in a fun city with a great group of friends and a man I love.

XX, C

twenty-five.

So I'm 25 now, whatever that means.

My birthday was New Years Eve and I purposely didn't do another goal/resolution post because my only goal this year is to live. To live fully and happily without trying to plan out every step of the way. I am so proud of what I've accomplished this past year and I don't plan to slow down — but I really do need to relax a bit.

I have this really bad habit of comparing my life and levels of success to people on the internet and I have to constantly remind myself that 1) you cannot compare your beginning to someone else's middle and 2) just like instagram — basically no one's life ACTUALLY looks the way it does online.

It's funny being 25 in some ways I feel like I know myself better than ever and in others I'm still completely lost. I do feel like I've grown immensely since my college days. It's kinda like that quote copy copy copy what you love and then at the end you'll find yourself. I spent years duplicating things I liked—specifically editorial/graphic design things–and now I feel like my style is evolving into something that really feels like me... but I'm kinda hyper-aware of it. so before I was doing things I liked, but that weren't 100% me and now it's like I'm too aware of who I am and maintaining my brand... and basically now I'm ready to just live and be me without being conscious of myself. (gawd. that sounds a little crazy ha!)

I've loved collaging since I was a kid and I think that's why I've always gravitated towards tumblr and pinterest. I cannot just say ONE thing is me. Not one style or one image or item. I'm like 10 things selected in such a way for strange reasons that feel good to me and are viewed all at once. A constant curation. 

This entire year ended up being about exploration and learning. I did so many things for the first time and changed my mind more times than I'd like to admit. But when I really look back at everything I did this year and everything I accomplished myself I have to say this is definitely one of the best years of my life so far. Everything happens for a reason. I know. It's cliche but it's so true and it just feels good to believe that everything will work out and just go with the flow. 

xx, C

*the shot of me was captured by my friend maximushka — an amazing bucket list experience.

idéefixe.

  Things I loved this year.

Personal Style Blog Maja Wyh / Karla's Closet / Fashion Toast / Hippie, Hippie — Milkshake! / Gary Pepper

Art/Design Blog Sketch42 / Miss Moss

Designers Kelly Wearstler / Christine Dovey / Sasha Bikoff

Cities London. Barcelona. NYC.

Music Jhené Aiko / FKA Twigs / J. Cole / Blood Orange

Magazines PORTER / CR Fashion Book / Suitcase

Artists Nina Chanel / Donald Drawbertson / T.S Abe / Delāno Brown

Movies The Grand Budapest Hotel / Mademoiselle C / The Eye Has to Travel / Gone Girl / Beyond the Lights / If I stay

Books Crazy Rich Asians / Swans, Legends of the Jet Society / Irreverent / Erotic Art 2

Colors Pink green green green black white nude gray + touch of orangey red or spicy yellow

xmasvibes.

  Merry Christmas! Looking forward to 2015.

photo diary // los angeles.

  A touch more personal than usual, my trip to LA this september was blissful. I hadn't traveled with the beau in a while so it was nice to go to one of my favorite places with him and celebrate his birthday— which was basically a movie. I couldn't have asked for things to go better. Crusing up the PCH with good music, vibes and him— then crashing on a private beach in Malibu. love.

We basically explored the whole time, visiting places I used to love and new places I'd been dying to see. I cannot wait to get back out there even if it's just for a few more months before coming back to start on my *big* top secret projects.

G.O.M.D.

  I keep my head high
 I got my wings to carry me 
I don't know freedom
 I want my dreams to rescue me 
I keep my faith strong
 I ask the Lord to follow me 
I've been unfaithful
 I don't know why you call on me

//

Apparently, you believe in me, you believe in me
 Apparently, you believe in me and I thank you for it

love love loving j.cole's latest, 2014 forest hills drive.

photodiary // new york.

    I'm trying to get all of my adventures documented before the year is out.. well most of them ha. I've only made it halfway through my europe recaps, but those are fun so I don't want to rush through. Anyway, I kinda recapped my NY & LA visits here, so this is just the visual that was missing.

I specifically wanted to visit new york before going back to LA since I'd been considering going back to school at NYU and I'm really glad I did. I could definitely see myself there or at least visiting more frequently in the near future :)

xx, C

1947.

                         

A good friend of mine has an eighteen-volume collection of vintage Vogue and Harper's Bazaar and let me borrow one to flip through. I was amazed at how classic and chic the advertisements and editorials were. Almost everything was illustrated— total works of art. there were at least 10 pages I wanted to tear out and hang on my wall.

These are all from Vogue 1947.

blackbird.

Beyond the Lights is definitely one of my new favorite movies.

baselme2.

  I left the show feeling so inspired and refreshed. My traveling it starting to become so addicting. I get a rush every time I go somewhere new, I never want to stop. Basel in particular though gave me so many ideas I feel like I cannot execute them fast enough, changing plans again, pushing me further. I love it.       ARTrepreneur Session Three with Delano Brown was surprisingly good. All I knew about it was the snippets I'd seen on insta and could round up online. I'm not going to sugar coat it, the event didn't start on a good note at all — there were quite a few things I was annoyed about upfront BUT when I say his talk completely made up for it I'm not exaggerating. It was so refreshing to hear from a young guy in his position with his style and sense talk about his story and his ideas and just wow. I was really impressed. I look forward to seeing where his career goes from here.     Unfortunately, I wasn't thinking at all and didn't capture the names and artists of all the work I photographed, so if you know or want credit please email me!     Part 1.

baselme1.

  ahh art basel miami beach 2014. how can i describe you.

I had the BEST time. Per usual, I really didn't have any idea what to expect. I understood the show and concept of everything since I've been only hearing about it for years, but actually being there in the middle of all of the excitement. so amazing. and I saw art, lots and lots of it. incredibly satisfying art. There have been comments about how commercial Art Basel Miami is becoming, but I don't see it falling off any time soon. The world needs events like this to exist. The energy was trippy everywhere we went.     We ended up going to the Wynwood Walls & Design District, Art Basel, UNTITLED, Mana Contemporary, and a slew of parties including ARTrepreneur Session Three by Delano Brown. I'm really really bummed I missed the SCOPE and Design Miami shows, but next year we'll plan buffer days instead of arriving and leaving the first and last days of the shows.     Unfortunately, I wasn't thinking at all and didn't capture the names and artists of all the work I photographed, so if you know or want credit please email me!     Part 2.

Europe 05 / Switzerland

    Since I'm going to Art Basel in two weeks I figured it a good time to pick back up my european adventure memoirs. I left off at Germany and from there traveled through Switzerland which turned out to be the most visually stunning and unimaginable place ever. Switzerland was a sleepy favorite of the trip. I say that because I constantly forget to tell people how much I loved it. and from a solo travel perspective, it was one of the only countries I truly spent time completely alone.     I literally kept saying, "i'm not really seeing this. it's not real." I thought I was in avatar the whole time, ha. In my journal I wrote: "5/26/14, Even when I stand and stare trying to take it in, it doesn't look real. the air is so crisp here. 5/28/14, The world really is so beautiful. like how can you live your whole life without seeing things like this?"       I texted a good friend from home when I found out I'd be able to spend the day in Basel and he told me I absolutely COULD NOT MISS the Gerhard Richter exhibiton at the Fondation Beyeler. So I didn't. I took a train from Lucerne where we were staying to Basel and spent the day exploring. it was mesmerizing.

[From the exhibition book, Gerhard Richter Pictures/Series] "In the course of his sixty-year career Richter has produced an oeuvre that has accorded him a place as one of the most influential and successful artists of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. [...] He is rightly celebrated worldwide as an outstanding figure, arguably the most important painter of our times."

        sometimes i really wish i'd spent more time in art school so I could explain things the way I see and feel them. I always feel lost for words, but I feel so deeply sometimes I wish I could just say what it is I'm really thinking... in a way that more than only just describes it. yahh back to Switzerland. In my journal I described Basel as "Paris meets Amsterdam" based on my short time in all 3 places I think it fits, but I'd need to spend time there again to see if I still agree.         In one of the books I read during the trip—that I'll get into further when I write about Italy—there was a quote by the male character that said, "when you go to a place and have an extraordinary experience, you can never return." That might be the case with Switzerland for me. As dream-like as it was, I'm not sure if I'd want to travel there again and change my memories.

XX, C

theeyehastotravel.

    The High Priestess of Fashion.

"allure" is a word very few people use nowadays, but it's something that exists. allure holds you doesn't it? whether it's a gaze or a glance in the street or a face in the crowd, someone sitting opposite you at lunch... you are held.         style was a standard. didn't hurt anyone... but you gotta have style. it helps you get down the stairs. it helps you get up in the morning. it's a way of life. without it you're nobody. i'm not talking about lots of clothes.       now brodovitch was the tutor of all these people of harper's bazaar of layout, and many of them had gone to his classes at night. he was a very remarkable man, he loved his white space, he loved empty pages-oh, he couldn't stand me. i mean, i wanted, of course, to put in as much as possible. i only wanted fashion.

anyone who's afraid and does not search and give as much as possible to the world of pleasure is a totally ignorant person. we were put here for the joy of it, for the hell of it, and it's all here now; nothing has been taken away. it's a question of creating it.           style: all who have it share one thing—originality.       UNDER VREELAND, VOGUE BECAME A COMBINATION OF CULTURE, ART, HAPPENINGS, AND VIBRANT FASHION. "I THINK PART OF MY SUCCESS AS AN EDITOR CAME FROM NEVER WORRYING ABOUT A FACT, A CAUSE, AN ATMOSPHERE. IT WAS ME—PROJECTING TO THE PUBLIC. THAT WAS MY JOB. I THINK I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A PERFECTLY CLEAR VIEW OF WHAT WAS POSSIBLE FOR THE PUBLIC. GIVE 'EM WHAT THEY NEVER KNEW THEY WANTED."     can you tell I LIVE for diana vreeland!? i mean. she's just wonderful. hideous and marvelous. in her documentary "the eye has to travel" there was a quote about her that went something like "she was never a very beautiful woman and she was never a very wealthy woman, but she created beauty and wealth."

love.

all quotes from diana's book, the eye has to travel.

granddame.

  Beauty is boring.

I have this crazy obsession with people (women) that have their own definition of style and what's chic.. Especially older women. To me they are the true tastemakers. Completely unaffected by trends. Michèle Lamy, wife & muse of Rick Owens is certainly one of those people. I'd seen pictures of her before, but never knew anything about her or who she was until I read this article via the Manrepeller and now I'm obsessed and just want to know everything.     So so good. Here are my favorite parts from the interview:

Nick Axelrod: Did you always wear black, even as a child? Michèle Lamy: First, I don’t always wear black. I often wear black. As a child, I was in boarding school in the French Alps, and I was in uniform, which was dark navy. I always think of darker things to wear — the eyes have to be brighter than the clothes. There’s something about wearing bright colors that is masking who you are.

NA: Articles always call you a “muse”… ML: Before, this name was making me pissed off...

NA: Why? ML: Because there’s this sense that you’re just there… But then, it’s a word that covers everything in a way.     NA: How do you pick out what you’ll wear in the morning? ML: There are no rules. It’s always tights, a t-shirt, and then something over it. It changes, but it doesn’t change every day. I’ll wear mainly the same thing for three months, and then I change to another jacket. I don’t know. It depends, also, if it’s cold or not.

NA: Why do you have to do the line everyday? ML: That, I don’t know. I don’t know if it was something aesthetic or if, instinctively, I feel more proportionate like this. I don’t know. But I know that I don’t feel good without it.

NA: You inspire a lot of people’s style — people probably tell you that all the time. Are there people who inspire your style? ML: I admire a lot of people that have their own style, but I don’t think… It has to come from you, the way you are. It’s in your head. Like I was telling you, I was very impressed by the older women in Tunisia, North Africa. I admire them. When I look at myself, I think I look like this now. And I like the style of Marlene Dietrich, but I’m not at all [like] Marlene Dietrich. I’m an old soul, and I always try to think that there is no time.

NA: You’re an old soul. But what’s not old is your grill — it’s very modern, very young. ML: Are you crazy? Golden teeth, that’s very old, with the gypsies and everything.

NA: Good point. ML: You are too young!

photos via tumblr

livinginparis.

  OMG wait. THIS FUCKING APARTMENT IN PARIS.   like. I dont really have words (per usual) to describe how INSANELY happy this space makes me so im not even going to try. just relish in it's perfectness. I mean how often do you see black & yellow together in an amazing way in someone's home? Bravo Sarah Lavoine, Bravo.                     Images via Homeadore.

snoopthepainter.

            Discovered this on Sketch42 and it pretty much made my day.

“For many years I’ve always felt like painting was something that I wanted to do, but I never had time to do,” Snoop explains. “Painting gives me an emotion like no other. I could cry while I’m painting. I can laugh while I’m painting. I can be serious while I’m painting. I don’t have no parameters. When I’m rapping there’s certain things I can’t do. When I’m acting there’s certain things I can’t do. There’s certain things I won’t do. But with the painting, there’s no limit.”

“I know that I’m an artist, I know that my paintings mean something and people are going to be interested in them and they’re gonna want to buy them, and, you know, have them hanging up on their walls in their favorite spots because it’s an expression of somebody who has been giving the truth from day one."

“I definitely gotta have a blunt, because the blunt is inspiration to the creation.” –Snoop

A few other articles I've loved this week: How to live like a motherf**ker The iPhone 6 is Basic Old Masters: After 80, some people don’t retire. They reign.

Happy Halloween!

glory.

  “I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain; and never shut myself up in a numb core of nonfeeling, or stop questioning and criticizing life and take the easy way out. To learn and think: to think and live; to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love.” -The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

lavsny.

wow. so let me brush the dust off of my dear blog. I've been so cliché-ly busy its obnoxious. and when I'm not busy all i want to do is lay around and revel in my unbusi-ness.

since being awol, I went to NY (pause. for the first time.) and Los Angeles.. bought at least 20 new books/zines/mags and have almost completed the 5th volume of four.

On a new and also unsurprising note. I've officially decided to head back to la with the beau. for real this time. in february.

I CANNOT WAIT.

It's hilarious to me the way I always glamorize LA when I'm in Charlotte and I romanticize Charlotte when I'm in LA. but the truth is, Charlotte really cannot do anything for me. and when I get super close to putting my original plan into effect... I freak out as if I'm having a baby.. because maybe I'm scared of commitment or being tied down.. or that I'm throwing away the opportunity to be something amazing by staying in this finance-obsessed, same-track-mind, no-truly-original-ideas town. (going in huh.)

I went to an art event the other night that just kinda bored me to death. it was all 40+ (which there is nothing wrong with) but I just felt like it was all too stuffy. where were all the young people! the cool but still sophisticated and unique (without trying) creatives!? its like they were trying to disguise their agenda ($$) by calling it an art show. #newslaves.

--

fast forward.. i was just catching up on a few of my favorite blogs and came across the most interesting (to me) interview on FvF with LA based book seller / art dealer Jonathan Brown. i always feel like the universe gives me these little nuggets when I'm in deep thought / decision making:

What made you want to move to Los Angeles? I moved to Los Angeles primarily because New York lost its effervescence for me. The things in New York that seemed happenstance or the things that people always talk about – how interesting, exciting and varied it is – became cliché to me. My grandparents had a lingerie company in Hollywood, so I grew up coming out here. I loved Los Angeles and thought it was glamorous. I loved the balmy evenings with night blooming jasmine. I loved the majesty of California as a state. It was in direct contrast to where I grew up, which was a small, New England town.

I lived in New York for a long time too, and I loved living there. But I believe when you begin to doubt it or think you want to leave, it starts showing you the door. I agree with that. New York can be a city of narcissists, and it can be a trap. It’s good for doing business because New Yorkers are consumers. All of the talent from all over the world goes to New York and gets consumed, but you need to leave to make your art, to go create somewhere else. A lot of the great things in New York come from different places. When you’re living there, it doesn’t wait for you to figure out what you’re doing with your life. You don’t have time to think about it or explore your options. If you don’t make up your mind, New York will make up your mind for you very quickly.

So how did you end up creating LEADAPRON? When I was at the tail end of my career in neuroscience, I started working with booksellers in my spare time. I worked in their booths at fairs, they’d fly me to Paris and New York, and I’d help out. I found it to be very romantic. Here is a group of people who are interested in ideas – the promotion of ideas, the preservation of ideas – and they sell books. At the end of the night they go out for a wonderful meal and talk about ideas. It was a way to have that kind of lifestyle, and they were all their own bosses. It was a way to have a thoughtful life of the mind and also feel like you’re promoting culture and keeping the culture alive. That’s where the name LEADAPRON came from.

read the full interview here.

Synopsis. continue with original plan. eventually. possibly 15 years from now lol. don't move to new york with the intention of trying to figure out what i want to do or it will spit me out.

and. go back to LA.

and i LOVE talking about ideas. like its the main reason I'm terrible at small talk because i couldn't care less about random meaningless basic stuff. but i can go on and on about ideas with someone that also has ideas!?

sounds like a plan to me. and the booksellers. they must be my people.

What does it mean? The idea is that everybody who wears an apron is a worker, whether they’re a craftsperson, tradesperson, a waitress, someone who works with horses, a sculptor, a newspaper delivery man, a cobbler – they’re the people that make the objects or items that furnish the culture. The people that furnish the culture drive the civilization. When we look back on ancient Egypt and hieroglyphs and the scarabs – I happen to be very interested in ancient Egypt so I’m bringing it up as a reference – when we look back at the jewels they made and how sophisticated they were, we’re really looking at those craftspeople and tradespeople. It gives us insight into a civilization, which is gone. That is the apron part.

omg. and he's interested in ancient egypt. definitely my people.

and just to make him possibly a little bit cooler...

Was there one particular book or object that sparked it all? I had all of Basquiat’s personal items because I used to date his last girlfriend. I had his wallet, his coat, a toaster he made. I had very unusual items, and I started getting collectors and clients. A client told me that as long as I was patient, everything would come to me. Now, I build libraries for people.

How do you think that LA’s changed since you first moved here? It seems to be getting more attention than usual lately. I’m curious as to what you think about that. When I left New York, all of my friends said, “Why would you move to LA? It’s this barren wasteland with a bunch of vapid people…” I said, “You’ll see, in about ten years you’ll all be asking me to help find you a place out here.” In the last year or two, it seems like it’s changed dramatically. There’s a lot more industry, and it’s the new capitol of the art world. It’s still the wild, wild, west – anything goes – a place where you can create your own life. It’s still possible to create a life here based on an idea.

there you have it my friends. anything goes. a place where you can create your own life. BASED ON AN IDEA. X

cold.

                  crush much? yes, just yes. my edges are stressing. hippie, hippie - milkshake!

tothemenihaveloved.

I finally got around to reading Letters, to the Men I have Loved, by new author, actress, poet Mirtha Michelle Castro Marmol... and I must say I really enjoyed it! It was so beautifully written. these simple thoughts and emotions that all women must have had and experienced eloquently expressed in short letters and poems categorized by all stages of a relationship. lust, love, and wisdom to forgiveness, change, resentment and hope.

A few of my favorite passages...

"But if it weren't for those mistakes I wouldn't have seen the beauty in me. I wouldn't have awoken the goddess that lives in me. you see, goddesses although immortal were all flawed. they were all a bit extreme at their calling, and they were all betrayed and hurt at some point. they were even considered devious but what made them unique was their strength. they did not give up. their circumstances did not deter them from their purpose or bestowing their gifts to humans. whether it was the gift of love, art, wisdom, family, intelligence, beauty or war. they gave gifts to whomever they encountered. i pray my mistakes, my loves and my pains be turned into gifts. let those gifts serve as motivation that there is strength in each and every once of us, no matter how big the ordeal has been. i pray my gifts live as myths in words with whomever i encounter, and for my words to live beyond the chambers of mortality..."

"when I met you if someone would have told me then I was going to fall in love with you, I think I would have laughed in their face. you were only supposed to be fun, an experimental phase in my young life, but life surprised me and you were fire. a fire that consumed me, and a fire that burned me. a fire that ignited my first feelings of anger, and pity, but also one of love, and in that you became a creative muse of sorts in my life. words would flow from my heart to paper, naturally. and you never knew. Ironically later you would say I was your muse."

"I chose to awake the goddess that lived in me. because why would a girl want to be treated like a princess or a queen when there is a rare species that prefers to be treated like a myth. for why would I want to be a mere mortal, if there is a goddess that lives in me? I realized the immense potential of the woman in me, and I made a choice to become her, the woman I yearned to be."