roots&wings.

9 countries. 20+ cities. 30 days.

Somewhere between Zaragoza and Madrid — Two thoughts written towards the end of my trip. I'll go through and recount each city with images as I see fit. But these are the most honest feelings of my overall experience.

The only purpose I now see for wealth is to travel. If you have a lot of money and choose to only spend it on material things instead of travel and experiences you're foolish and have no idea what you're missing. I no longer have a desire to save for things, of course there will always be stuff I want, but now all I really really want is to travel again. To be free to wander through cities at leisure. I may never be staying in the most luxurious hotels and dining at those restaurants. But I can see them. I can get next to them. I can go to the bars and people watch. I want to see everything the world has to offer. When I'm an old woman I want to be elegant, but I also want to leave my grandchildren with exotic stories of the places I've been.

I want to be in love, create art, and see the world. This trip was the best thing for me. Going back to LA right now would only pause what I need to do and create more confusion for my inner self. Perhaps in another chapter of my life I'll end up there again — but right now as I'm riding through the Spanish countryside reminiscing on my strolls through Venice and how large my eyes got at the sight of the French Riviera.. it all makes sense to me now. All I have to do is go live it.     Another reoccurring thought I've had as the trip winds down is the fact that I feel like I could keep going for a few more weeks, months, years? But I see that it would be impossible to maintain a relationship. I barely get to talk to b or to my family, but I don't feel lonely. I miss him when I see something amazing and wish he could see it too, and I'm sure if I stayed in one place for a long time I would really feel the separation, but as I jump from place to place it's like the world is on pause and the only thing that matters is what I'm doing that day or getting some rest. I've noticed myself not really wanting to tell my friends and fam what I've done each day, I feel annoyed as if it's too personal and I just don't feel like reiterating it (especially after I spend hours journaling) and it's too detailed too vibrant too intense too emotional to try to explain through a text or email. I want to know more words so I can describe it better, but then I also want to keep it for myself. And I can barely remember what I did or where I was a few days ago.

They say a picture tells a thousand words, but honestly no one knows what I was doing when these pictures were captured, the circumstances, if it was staged or candid. How can I possibly share my experiences with someone unless they saw it too. I kinda love the feeling that I could disappear into the world and just keep traveling with no idea what's going on around me.

My life back home seems so quaint and comfortable compared to what I've been doing and seeing. It's unreal. But it kind of scares me too, why do I feel this way? Why do the things that are so important to me seem less important while I'm here? My reason for wanting to go (what I was seeking inspiration for) is still here. I still have the vision and constantly snap pictures to remember, but it seems so small. so separated from me. Does that mean they really aren't that Important? Or no? Am I really that passionately in love? I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just thinking about it too hard.

I am excited to get back home and to my regular life to see what kind of shift has actually taken place. My brain is literally bursting with so many thoughts. I'm eager to look back through my pictures and read my journal to relive each place I visited and turn these inspirations into work and style and ways of living.

C

—

Sneak peek at the pile of the loot I drug home.
First image is of me at the W Barcelona and the second was taken on the street in Firenze, Italy.

departure.

    don't be so easily defined.   "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." - Oscar Wilde

today i leave.

thosewho.wander.pt1.

  It's official! I will no longer be the last person on the planet (in my age bracket) that hasn't been across the world.. or even out of the country for that matter (the bahamas doesn't count!) It always surprises people when I tell them I really haven't been very far. Every time a travel opportunity comes along I jump for it, but as far as taking a big leap it has always seemed like a far off dream that would take years before I could achieve— an exclusive membership club I didn't have access to.

Not any more!

After a few crazy (and I mean crazy, I will spare the details— but thank GOD there are people who love me) days of thinking and being neurotic (ie. ben stiller in along came polly) I decided to push back my return to the City of Angels and take a 30-day Grand Tour of Europe... leaving next week!! and only about 3 weeks following the initial thought.

I knew that reading the alchemist would do terrible things to my brain and like it said “when a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” This has been so true— once I made the decision everything kinda fell into place, almost as if it had been set-up to work in my favor before I'd even considered it.

Of course once I get back I'm going to think I'm a travel blogger (kidding, kinda.) so I want to make nice little lists and take pictures of all the things I packed and places I visited and the things I learned for future travel.

Now to the fun part...     Where I'm going: London (United Kingdom), Paris (France), Brussels (Belgium), Amsterdam (Netherlands), Heidelberg (Germany), Lucerne Region (Switzerland), Venice, Rome, Florence (Italy), French Riviera, Provence (France), Barcelona, and Madrid (Spain)! There are obviously a ton of other cities I'm dying to visit; Milan, Positano, Berlin, Basel, etc. but I will save them for next time (and there will definitely be a next time) when I stay longer in the cities I really liked... or move to Rome ha who knows.

I had the option to visit Greece, but it would have meant losing out on Spain, so again, another time... and more likely when I try to do Egypt (my true bucket-list trip) and Turkey.

I have this visual of the things I want to wear, the books I'll read, the museums I'll walk through, but we all know that things rarely turn out the way we expect so even though I think I'll come back all different from the things I've seen and experienced — I'm just going to pack up my little stuff and go with the flow, fully enjoying each moment and the fact that I will have a month to do absolutely nothing work related, just go-go-go— my favorite thing ever!

xx, C

---

The books I'm taking: Ghana Must Go by Taiye Selasi Perfume by Patrick Suskind An Italian Affair by Laura Fraser Graduates in Wonderland by Jessica Pan & Rachel Kapelke-Dale

digitally... against my own wishes lol.

onmymamma.

#girlboss

  A girlboss is someone who's in charge of her own life. She gets what she wants because she works for it. As a #girlboss, you take control and accept responsibility. You're a fighter— you know when to throw punches and when to roll with them. Sometimes you break the rules, sometimes you follow them, but always on your own terms. You know where you're going, but cant do it without having some fun along the way. You value honesty over perfection. You ask questions. You take your life seriously, but you dont take yourself too seriously. You're going to take over the world, and change it in the process. You're a badass.     I was super excited for Sophia Amoruso's new book, #GIRLBOSS, and so far it hasn't disappointed. Not a memoir or a feminist manifesto, just a story about what happened to her and the explosion of Nasty Gal. Her carefree, straight forward, ballsy writing style definitely reminds me of Kelly Cutrone's books. While it hasn't inspired me as much in a dreamy way like the alchemist, it is a true story about an under 30-something female that created her dream job without following societies guidelines. It's fascinating. Here are a few of my favorite quotes...   "I don't want you to look up, because all that looking up can keep you down. The energy you'll expend focusing on someone else's life is better spent working on your own. just be your own idol."   "I always suspected that I was destined for, and that i was capable of something bigger. that something turned out to be Nasty Gal, but you know what? I didn't find Nasty Gal. I created it."   "Who cares if a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it? The tree still falls. If you believe that what you're doing will have positive results, it will— even if it's not immediately obvious. When you hold yourself to the same standard in your work that you do as a friend, girlfriend, student or otherwise, it pays off."

there are secret opportunities hidden in every failure. -all quotes by Sophia Amoruso, Founder, CEO and Creative Director of Nasty Gal   My overall opinion on #GIRLBOSS is that it's the same success story and advice we've heard and been fed over and over just in a different setting. I don't mean that in a bad way at all. I think that it just further proves the mantra we all repin regularly— good things come to those who hustle.   Extras! A few of my favorite spreads from The WILD Magazine.        

yana.puaca.

  I am seriously digging this girl's lovely home— and the fact that when she went on a tour of Egypt and Jordan she says that "the experience was so incredibly humbling { I } literally cried while seeing the Pyramids" means she is definitely a kindred spirit (because I completely see that being my reaction). Her space is airy and light, but still feels luxe and well traveled without being overly decorated. perf.

See the full interview and tour at The Every Girl and read her blog NoMad Luxuries.       “travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living” – Miriam Beard       Aidan or Big?
 I’ve always been drawn to the Big(s) of the world, but as Carrie says, “I've done the merry-go-round, I've been through the revolving doors, I feel like I met somebody I can stand still with for a minute”. I finally decided to stand still, and I couldn’t be happier. – Yana Puacas

rainstorm.

  you were born to be a rainstorm, to send your voice throughout the night, to sing your song with falling raindrops, to break the darkeness with your light, you were born to show raw beauty, to wash the dirt out from their eyes, but the whole world ran for cover, when you opened up your skies, so you made your thunder silent, and learnt to bite your rainy tongue, you gave them what they thought they wanted, you gave them life with endless sun, but as they watched their lives grow weaker, watched as their leaves turned brown and dry, they wished they didn't take for granted, your booming presence in the sky, you were born to be a rainstorm, to be chaotic and be bold, to show there's beauty in the knowledge, that you cannot be controlled, because you might think you're not needed, life without you is the same, but nothing beautiful would ever grow, if it wasn't washed with rain.

e.h. via—

--

i loved her not for the way she danced with my angels but for the way the sound of her name could silence my demons

-christopher poindexter

high+southernplayalisticadillacmuzik.

  Last weekend I went to the Counterpoint Music Festival near Atlanta, Georgia.   I haven't been down to GA (my hometown) in a few years so it was great to be back. The highlight of the trip was obviously getting to see Outkast perform their 3rd epic performance together in almost 10 years—the first 2 being at Coachella the weekends prior.   Other than that I didn't have time for much, although I did squeeze in a trip to Lennox and The High Museum of Art (that i ran through with about as much grace as a person stranded in the desert running towards an oasis), but overall the entire trip reminded me how much I love being from Georgia... and just HOW different it really is from North Carolina.   checkout the full lineup from the weekend here.     Please forgive my lovely iphone photos and the fact that I didn't record any of the artist's names. I'm pretty sure a google image search of any of these would pull up all of the credits. All photos taken at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta.

I realize the fact that this entire post is about the festival, but the imagery is only of the museum (which gave me a creativity boost i was starved for) because all of my festival photos are blurry crazed concert images from the center of a bagillion people — an experience I will forever remember, but rather not share here.

pinkgreen&blk.

  "If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley   Surround yourself with people that reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel, energies are contagious.

lsd.

        Lauren Santo Domingo's Paris duplex via Design Chic.

thatkindofwoman.

  I finally got around to purchasing Irreverent by Carine Roitfeld after watching her documentary, Mademoiselle C, which details the production of her first issue of the CR Fashion Book.   Honestly, I haven't been hit with a girl crush / icon / inspirational obsession / etc. in a long long time. I realize I'm a bit late to the game learning about her (especially since i have two copies of CR) but after watching the movie it was like a compulsion i HAD to have the book immediately and learn as much about her as I could. When it arrived earlier this week I was completely blown away. It's sublime.       Interestingly enough I've been shying away from fashion— (completely inspired by this Phoebe Philo for Céline post HERE and this trend post from the Manrepeller HERE) sticking to black, white and neutrals (which i realize is a trend right now, but i digress) and focusing more on art, design and interiors. BUT I literally devoured this book. I read every page (which I rarely actually do with magazines/coffee table books) but it was so clean. chic, interesting and erotic.       These are my favorite quotes:

"I don't know if I'm a Yves Saint Laurent woman or not, but I hate when people compliment me on what I'm wearing. It was Saint Laurent who said that you should compliment a woman for her beauty and not for her clothes, which are only supposed to set off her beauty."

Q: What do you attribute your success to? Can you define it, or is it a mystery to you? "There's certainly something mysterious about it. It's not my place to say whether I have any talent or not, but success is a mix of hard work and good luck. I met the right people at the right time, but I also knocked on the doors that I knew were the hardest to enter. I never chose the easy option. I have always gone after the most interesting things, even if they are the most difficult. Always!"

Q: Do you see yourself as an artist? "I don't see myself as an artist. In a way, I envy the freedom artists have. Artists can push themselves beyond their limits, in pursuit of their ideas and their vision, even if they are inhabited by demons that can also play tricks on them. I would love to have that purely creative side. But fashion has allowed me to collaborate with artists of all difference kinds—writers, filmmakers, as well as genius hair stylists and make-up artists."     Q: How do you manage to preserve your creativity? "Although I've very diplomatic, I've learned not to back down when it comes to my own vision. I stay inside a bubble so I can focus on my own creativity and not feel burdened by outside influences or pressure. I don't live in a fairy tale— anything but. But I remain inside my private, insulated space where I find my inspiration and my freedom."

Q: Do you think that real fashion has been absorbed by fashion photography? "Street fashion is real fashion now. Ultimately, that's what is driving the industry. The kind of fashion that I love exists only in images, where it becomes part of a world of dreams and fantasies. Only a few great eccentrics can wear it. But chasm doesn't bother me, because I think there's a tension– or a continual dialogue— going on between street fashion and the fashion depicted in photographs, which very few woman can afford to wear for obvious financial reasons, as well as certain social pressures."

"But luxury isn't an easy thing to do these days. Luxury has become so vulgar. Luxury items have become the symbol of nouveaux riches, of new fortunes made out of IT and the dot-com industry, and by people who don't have experience with this kind of culture appropriating historically luxury items."       Have I contradicted myself? Not too long ago I told my mom that I think my goal in life is to be an elegantly aged woman. After learning more about Carine, I think that's true.

access.

  "Try to say nothing negative about anybody for three days, for forty-five days, for three months. See what happens to your life." – Yoko Ono

thehunger.

  Friday I picked up copies of Dazed, Porter, and The Hunger then the new issue of Interview came in the mail. While they are very different publications, the editorials and typography in each were stunning! A feast for my eyes. I mean really, Hunger printed 20 different covers.                      

Extras: Another hilarious encounter with me caught on film here. My new favorite design focused tumblr. i spent a good hour scrolling through the images.

marketing.

  thoughts on a sunday.

i had a coffee with a new friend the other night and he asked why i don't market myself. i had a weird answer at the time, but thinking more about it i feel like what i'm writing now (even though they're published online) are personal thoughts (that could possibly inspire someone who's thinking the same) but ultimately they are for me. if i attempted to market myself and put for instance my blog "out there" i would immediately no longer be writing thoughts for myself because i would know that i have an audience so i'd filter myself.

i always love the first work of artists/writers/etc. the best because they were hungry. they'd been having thoughts for years so it's natural and fire. once they get an audience they have to think about what other people would like instead of what they like and feel.

i obviously don't think this happens to everyone, but i notice it a lot more than i don't.

and to further prove my point. when we first starting working on the magazine we wanted to do zero marketing and even if no one liked us or came to our first event it wouldn't have mattered because we put out a product we believed in and were happy with. as we continued publishing i definitely noticed myself at least thinking "we cannot print that" or "oh we need more of this less of that" etc.. see where im going with this? i feel like thats a huge reason i was able to let go so easily because even though i get so much life from magazines it no longer felt like me. mine. it was now for someone else.

i have so much work i never release because i feel no desire to. i don't need "likes" or comments to do more of it or feel confirmation/assurance my shit is good (or isn't). it makes my soul happy. my hands and eyes just need it. they must move. must create. must see.

while watching vicky cristina barcelona.

legend.

  this morning i read the alchemist by paulo coelho from start to finish.   the reason i bought it in the first place was because of this post, but i never got around to it, then for some reason early this morning i had a strange desire to start reading it— even though i have a list of things to get through today, it felt important that i take this time to relax and read, and im glad that i did.   I wrote this post while reading, so it's weird and unorganized, but I didn't want to rewrite anything since these are the thoughts that flowed as I went.     it made me wonder if i actually want to do the things i dream of or if like the crystal merchant I just want to dream about them.

"it's the thought of mecca that keeps me alive. that's what helps me face these days that are all the same... i'm afraid that if my dream is realized, i'll have no reason to go on living."

i should be a professional daydreamer because i'm obsessed with planning ideas. i have these grand dreams that are things i could actually do, but am i just content with dreaming about what i would do or do i plan to actually do them?

he goes on to say a few paragraphs later—

"you have been a real blessing to me. today, i understand something i didn't see before: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. i don't want anything else in life. but you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons i have never known. now that i have seen them, and now that i see how immense my possibilities are, i'm going to feel worse than i did before you arrived. because i know that things i should be able to accomplish, and i don't want to do so."

the boy goes on working for the merchant for 11 months and after he's helped him grow his business and saved up money to buy back his sheep (i'm leaving out many details) he approaches the merchant to ask for his blessing to leave and the merchant tells him..

"i am proud of you. you brought a new feeling into my crystal shop. but you know that i'm not going to go to mecca. just as you know that you're not going to buy your sheep."

that said... what dreams of mine am i trying to convince myself i want. like what do i really want and what am i trying to convince myself of that im really not going to do. ugh my brain. why must you think this way lol.

but then i started thinking is god saying something deeper like this is what you're trying to convince yourself that you want because it's good for society and a regular nice life, but you and me BOTH know that's not what you're gonna do. you won't be happy and im not going to allow it.

".. he was no longer happy with his decision. he had worked for an entire year to make a dream come true, and that dream, minute by minute, was becoming less important. maybe because that wasn't really his dream."

"when a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream."

i think that charlotte is my sheep. (ref. pg. 67) or better yet, maybe being a shepherd is being a graphic designer?   "he still had some doubts about the decision he had made. but he was able to understand one thing: making a decision was only the beginning of things. when someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

"you must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his personal legend. if he abandons that pursuit it's because it wasn't true love.. the love that speaks the languages of the world."

"one is loved because one is loved. no reason is needed for loving." "I love you because the whole universe conspired to help me find you."

DAMN.

"My heart is a traitor... it doesn't want me to go on" "That makes sense, naturally it's afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you've won." "well then why should i listen to my heart?" "because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world."

by the end of the story i'd definitely reconciled all the thoughts and questions above and think i should read this book at least once every year to check in on myself and see how same/different my thoughts are. I could go on and on or just retype the entire book here. haha. if you're like me you should definitely go read or reread this simple story. it will change the way you see life.

"When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed."

legend.

  this morning i read the alchemist by paulo coelho from start to finish.   the reason i bought it in the first place was because of this post, but i never got around to it, then for some reason early this morning i had a strange desire to start reading it— even though i have a list of things to get through today, it felt important that i take this time to relax and read, and im glad that i did.   I wrote this post while reading, so it's weird and unorganized, but I didn't want to rewrite anything since these are the thoughts that flowed as I went.     it made me wonder if i actually want to do the things i dream of or if like the crystal merchant I just want to dream about them.

"it's the thought of mecca that keeps me alive. that's what helps me face these days that are all the same... i'm afraid that if my dream is realized, i'll have no reason to go on living."

i should be a professional daydreamer because i'm obsessed with planning ideas. i have these grand dreams that are things i could actually do, but am i just content with dreaming about what i would do or do i plan to actually do them?

he goes on to say a few paragraphs later—

"you have been a real blessing to me. today, i understand something i didn't see before: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. i don't want anything else in life. but you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons i have never known. now that i have seen them, and now that i see how immense my possibilities are, i'm going to feel worse than i did before you arrived. because i know that things i should be able to accomplish, and i don't want to do so."

the boy goes on working for the merchant for 11 months and after he's helped him grow his business and saved up money to buy back his sheep (i'm leaving out many details) he approaches the merchant to ask for his blessing to leave and the merchant tells him..

"i am proud of you. you brought a new feeling into my crystal shop. but you know that i'm not going to go to mecca. just as you know that you're not going to buy your sheep."

that said... what dreams of mine am i trying to convince myself i want. like what do i really want and what am i trying to convince myself of that im really not going to do. ugh my brain. why must you think this way lol.

but then i started thinking is god saying something deeper like this is what you're trying to convince yourself that you want because it's good for society and a regular nice life, but you and me BOTH know that's not what you're gonna do. you won't be happy and im not going to allow it.

".. he was no longer happy with his decision. he had worked for an entire year to make a dream come true, and that dream, minute by minute, was becoming less important. maybe because that wasn't really his dream."

"when a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream."

i think that charlotte is my sheep. (ref. pg. 67) or better yet, maybe being a shepherd is being a graphic designer?     "he still had some doubts about the decision he had made. but he was able to understand one thing: making a decision was only the beginning of things. when someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

"you must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his personal legend. if he abandons that pursuit it's because it wasn't true love.. the love that speaks the languages of the world."

"one is loved because one is loved. no reason is needed for loving." "I love you because the whole universe conspired to help me find you."

DAMN.

"My heart is a traitor... it doesn't want me to go on" "That makes sense, naturally it's afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you've won." "well then why should i listen to my heart?" "because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world."

by the end of the story i'd definitely reconciled all the thoughts and questions above and think i should read this book at least once every year to check in on myself and see how same/different my thoughts are. I could go on and on or just retype the entire book here. haha. if you're like me you should definitely go read or reread this simple story. it will change the way you see life.

"When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed."

notlikeyoulikeme.

  And they don't have no award for that.

slacking.pt2.

  endless stacks and no documentation. the latest issue of Kinfolk and CR Fashion Book are definitely my favorites.

luxury/escapism.

  R29 recently posted an interview with Meaghan Murphy of Book/Shop Oakland (one of my favs) and two of her responses really resonated with me and my feelings towards printed literature and reading in general. You can read the full interview here.

What are your thoughts on the argument that print is dead? "Print will never die, in my opinion. The books I collect don’t get turned into e-books, and, even if they did, I would never use a device to read them. There is a certain intimacy in the bends of the spine and the penciled notes I might jot in the columns of my books. I also wouldn’t be able to part with the stacks of books I have on every available surface in my home. Perhaps this is due to my inclination to collect things, but I find it so pleasing being able to pick a recipe out of an old book of Elizabeth David’s or select a book to send home with a dinner guest.   "I recently read an article about a new app that will allow you to read a novel in 80 minutes and, I'm sorry to say, I just don’t understand the appeal to this. Reading is about the luxury of slowing down for an hour and transporting yourself to another place and time. It is the best kind of escapism. I really have no interest in, or understanding of, anyone who sees reading as nothing more than a chore."     What is your philosophy when it comes to literature? "The best kind of literature never stops revealing its secrets to you. Each time you open it, it will speak something different. My favorite books are the ones I read once a year or once every few years — not because of the pleasure in it, but because there is still more to learn."

well said. photography by ashley batz.

moments.

  looking back through the pictures taken my first days in LA before starting school, i can definitely tell that they are photos one would take during their first experience. the things i chose to capture and was fascinated by, are things that after living there, even for a month, i know i didn’t think twice about. but at the time it was so important to capture every detail.         i’ve been trying to come up with a daily/weekly project that I can try to do during my time back on the left coast.. i want to try to devote at least 10-30 minutes to something creative (leave it to me to try and create some kind of control over a situation that i’m supposed to be just going with the flow of) outside of the regular creative things i’ll be doing.. like perhaps i’ll leave out my paints and mix a new set of colors everyday or make mini collages or make a list of things to take a snapshot of, idk. i get bored easily so it needs to be interesting but simple.. or i’ll have to come up with a new ritual every 2-3 mos. (or weeks realistically) ha kinda defeats the whole point right?       circa october 2008