marketing.

  thoughts on a sunday.

i had a coffee with a new friend the other night and he asked why i don't market myself. i had a weird answer at the time, but thinking more about it i feel like what i'm writing now (even though they're published online) are personal thoughts (that could possibly inspire someone who's thinking the same) but ultimately they are for me. if i attempted to market myself and put for instance my blog "out there" i would immediately no longer be writing thoughts for myself because i would know that i have an audience so i'd filter myself.

i always love the first work of artists/writers/etc. the best because they were hungry. they'd been having thoughts for years so it's natural and fire. once they get an audience they have to think about what other people would like instead of what they like and feel.

i obviously don't think this happens to everyone, but i notice it a lot more than i don't.

and to further prove my point. when we first starting working on the magazine we wanted to do zero marketing and even if no one liked us or came to our first event it wouldn't have mattered because we put out a product we believed in and were happy with. as we continued publishing i definitely noticed myself at least thinking "we cannot print that" or "oh we need more of this less of that" etc.. see where im going with this? i feel like thats a huge reason i was able to let go so easily because even though i get so much life from magazines it no longer felt like me. mine. it was now for someone else.

i have so much work i never release because i feel no desire to. i don't need "likes" or comments to do more of it or feel confirmation/assurance my shit is good (or isn't). it makes my soul happy. my hands and eyes just need it. they must move. must create. must see.

while watching vicky cristina barcelona.

legend.

  this morning i read the alchemist by paulo coelho from start to finish.   the reason i bought it in the first place was because of this post, but i never got around to it, then for some reason early this morning i had a strange desire to start reading it— even though i have a list of things to get through today, it felt important that i take this time to relax and read, and im glad that i did.   I wrote this post while reading, so it's weird and unorganized, but I didn't want to rewrite anything since these are the thoughts that flowed as I went.     it made me wonder if i actually want to do the things i dream of or if like the crystal merchant I just want to dream about them.

"it's the thought of mecca that keeps me alive. that's what helps me face these days that are all the same... i'm afraid that if my dream is realized, i'll have no reason to go on living."

i should be a professional daydreamer because i'm obsessed with planning ideas. i have these grand dreams that are things i could actually do, but am i just content with dreaming about what i would do or do i plan to actually do them?

he goes on to say a few paragraphs later—

"you have been a real blessing to me. today, i understand something i didn't see before: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. i don't want anything else in life. but you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons i have never known. now that i have seen them, and now that i see how immense my possibilities are, i'm going to feel worse than i did before you arrived. because i know that things i should be able to accomplish, and i don't want to do so."

the boy goes on working for the merchant for 11 months and after he's helped him grow his business and saved up money to buy back his sheep (i'm leaving out many details) he approaches the merchant to ask for his blessing to leave and the merchant tells him..

"i am proud of you. you brought a new feeling into my crystal shop. but you know that i'm not going to go to mecca. just as you know that you're not going to buy your sheep."

that said... what dreams of mine am i trying to convince myself i want. like what do i really want and what am i trying to convince myself of that im really not going to do. ugh my brain. why must you think this way lol.

but then i started thinking is god saying something deeper like this is what you're trying to convince yourself that you want because it's good for society and a regular nice life, but you and me BOTH know that's not what you're gonna do. you won't be happy and im not going to allow it.

".. he was no longer happy with his decision. he had worked for an entire year to make a dream come true, and that dream, minute by minute, was becoming less important. maybe because that wasn't really his dream."

"when a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream."

i think that charlotte is my sheep. (ref. pg. 67) or better yet, maybe being a shepherd is being a graphic designer?   "he still had some doubts about the decision he had made. but he was able to understand one thing: making a decision was only the beginning of things. when someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

"you must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his personal legend. if he abandons that pursuit it's because it wasn't true love.. the love that speaks the languages of the world."

"one is loved because one is loved. no reason is needed for loving." "I love you because the whole universe conspired to help me find you."

DAMN.

"My heart is a traitor... it doesn't want me to go on" "That makes sense, naturally it's afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you've won." "well then why should i listen to my heart?" "because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world."

by the end of the story i'd definitely reconciled all the thoughts and questions above and think i should read this book at least once every year to check in on myself and see how same/different my thoughts are. I could go on and on or just retype the entire book here. haha. if you're like me you should definitely go read or reread this simple story. it will change the way you see life.

"When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed."

legend.

  this morning i read the alchemist by paulo coelho from start to finish.   the reason i bought it in the first place was because of this post, but i never got around to it, then for some reason early this morning i had a strange desire to start reading it— even though i have a list of things to get through today, it felt important that i take this time to relax and read, and im glad that i did.   I wrote this post while reading, so it's weird and unorganized, but I didn't want to rewrite anything since these are the thoughts that flowed as I went.     it made me wonder if i actually want to do the things i dream of or if like the crystal merchant I just want to dream about them.

"it's the thought of mecca that keeps me alive. that's what helps me face these days that are all the same... i'm afraid that if my dream is realized, i'll have no reason to go on living."

i should be a professional daydreamer because i'm obsessed with planning ideas. i have these grand dreams that are things i could actually do, but am i just content with dreaming about what i would do or do i plan to actually do them?

he goes on to say a few paragraphs later—

"you have been a real blessing to me. today, i understand something i didn't see before: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. i don't want anything else in life. but you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons i have never known. now that i have seen them, and now that i see how immense my possibilities are, i'm going to feel worse than i did before you arrived. because i know that things i should be able to accomplish, and i don't want to do so."

the boy goes on working for the merchant for 11 months and after he's helped him grow his business and saved up money to buy back his sheep (i'm leaving out many details) he approaches the merchant to ask for his blessing to leave and the merchant tells him..

"i am proud of you. you brought a new feeling into my crystal shop. but you know that i'm not going to go to mecca. just as you know that you're not going to buy your sheep."

that said... what dreams of mine am i trying to convince myself i want. like what do i really want and what am i trying to convince myself of that im really not going to do. ugh my brain. why must you think this way lol.

but then i started thinking is god saying something deeper like this is what you're trying to convince yourself that you want because it's good for society and a regular nice life, but you and me BOTH know that's not what you're gonna do. you won't be happy and im not going to allow it.

".. he was no longer happy with his decision. he had worked for an entire year to make a dream come true, and that dream, minute by minute, was becoming less important. maybe because that wasn't really his dream."

"when a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream."

i think that charlotte is my sheep. (ref. pg. 67) or better yet, maybe being a shepherd is being a graphic designer?     "he still had some doubts about the decision he had made. but he was able to understand one thing: making a decision was only the beginning of things. when someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

"you must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his personal legend. if he abandons that pursuit it's because it wasn't true love.. the love that speaks the languages of the world."

"one is loved because one is loved. no reason is needed for loving." "I love you because the whole universe conspired to help me find you."

DAMN.

"My heart is a traitor... it doesn't want me to go on" "That makes sense, naturally it's afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you've won." "well then why should i listen to my heart?" "because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world."

by the end of the story i'd definitely reconciled all the thoughts and questions above and think i should read this book at least once every year to check in on myself and see how same/different my thoughts are. I could go on and on or just retype the entire book here. haha. if you're like me you should definitely go read or reread this simple story. it will change the way you see life.

"When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed."

notlikeyoulikeme.

  And they don't have no award for that.

luxury/escapism.

  R29 recently posted an interview with Meaghan Murphy of Book/Shop Oakland (one of my favs) and two of her responses really resonated with me and my feelings towards printed literature and reading in general. You can read the full interview here.

What are your thoughts on the argument that print is dead? "Print will never die, in my opinion. The books I collect don’t get turned into e-books, and, even if they did, I would never use a device to read them. There is a certain intimacy in the bends of the spine and the penciled notes I might jot in the columns of my books. I also wouldn’t be able to part with the stacks of books I have on every available surface in my home. Perhaps this is due to my inclination to collect things, but I find it so pleasing being able to pick a recipe out of an old book of Elizabeth David’s or select a book to send home with a dinner guest.   "I recently read an article about a new app that will allow you to read a novel in 80 minutes and, I'm sorry to say, I just don’t understand the appeal to this. Reading is about the luxury of slowing down for an hour and transporting yourself to another place and time. It is the best kind of escapism. I really have no interest in, or understanding of, anyone who sees reading as nothing more than a chore."     What is your philosophy when it comes to literature? "The best kind of literature never stops revealing its secrets to you. Each time you open it, it will speak something different. My favorite books are the ones I read once a year or once every few years — not because of the pleasure in it, but because there is still more to learn."

well said. photography by ashley batz.

black&white.

        i really just can't. literally everything about Nicole Coehn of sketch42's new living room is like instant O. All of my fantasy interior dreams shown in a series of photos. See them all here.

letthemeatcake.

            This past friday was the release party for our final volume of FOUR. It was certainly a bittersweet evening but incredibly special nonetheless. I was overwhelmed and deeply humbled (and have been throughout the entire experience) by how much support and praise we’ve received from the city, across the country and throughout the world. I mean we don’t know what we’re doing; we’ve just been pulling together things we like and whatever phase we’d been going through at the time (hence “can i live?”), and hoping that people like it and aren’t offended. But just seeing how excited and grateful everyone (and this is a very diverse “everyone”) was to be involved was really affirming and somewhat emotional but (sigh) just something I can’t put into words.

I’ve always said the magazine was created to showcase the amazing creatives that live in and around Charlotte. We just wanted to create opportunities for people (like us) who needed an outlet to work on something beautiful that will be kept on a coffee table or bookshelf, not flipped through and thrown out after a couple days. and that’s happened! Everything I wanted and more happened and was successful. FOUR could have easily been a drop in the ocean of new publications started every year, but we were blessed and highly favored to have gained a supportive loyal diverse following that is saddened to see us take a hiatus.

One of the guys I talked to understood my reasoning for leaving and he brought up the fact that people get complacent in Charlotte because it isn’t that huge of a city so it’s easy to settle when you’re at the top because once you find your niche there’s no competition. So the work starts to slack and become less remarkable. I never want that to happen. I will never settle with being “amazing” by Charlotte standards because I know better. Take it to a big city and then tell me what you think. I need time to get re-inspired to the point where its just pouring out of my hands, not just going through the motions. I want to crave life and experiences again. So don’t worry… I have B I G secret plans in the works for when I return to charlotte; I’m coming back on my worst behavior. and I'm hoping that there will be some friendly competition by then...

Sidebar: I was especially happy about the fact my beau was there and able to really see what I do, because he (who does not work anywhere near the design field), like my parents don’t really get it. All they see is me neurotic, always working, always stressing, always on the computer, super critical and freaking out about things that would seem ridiculous to anyone other than a designer. So the fact he got to witness the final outcome and actually hear what people were saying and how touched they were by our work was truly amazing.

PARTY MIX Reasonable Doubt — Jay-Z Saint Heron — Solange Knowles and Friends G I R L – Pharrell Williams Cupid Deluxe — Blood Orange

Photography captured by my lovely sister, Les Artise.

her.

  The truly creative mind is inhumanly sensitive. To her a touch is a blow, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism, the overpowering necessity to create, create, create so that without the creating of music, poetry or books, her very breath is cut off from her. She must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency she is not really alive unless she is creating.

Pearl S. Buck

Update: I was recently featured in a video interview with Charlotte Creative — check it out here!

proust.

  Ahh the infamous Proust Questionnaire. This is one of my favorite interviews to read from others, it is far more interesting to me for some reason than a Q&A based on actual information about the person. I use it often in FOUR, but I've never answered it myself, so...

What is your name as you would like it to appear in the magazine? Ciara Bird.

Where are you from and where are you now? Los Angeles by way of Augusta, Georgia.. currently in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Your age. 24.

What is your current state of mind? pensive.

Who are you and what would you like to be? more artist, less designer.

What is your idea of perfect happiness? b—with warm sun, cool breeze and trails for hiking followed by an uninterrupted afternoon of painting, reading and leisure. essentially no feeling of “what am i supposed to be working on.”

What is your greatest fear? “i want to be cured of a craving for something i cannot find and the shame of never finding it.”

Which living person do you most admire? is it bad to say Beyonce? without going into depth i just feel like she sums up my ideal of imperfect womanhood perfectly in her own way; love, happiness, career, sexuality, classiness, motherhood, etc. yet she still comes off as humble.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? social anxiety. the glorification of busy.

What is the trait you most deplore in others? don’t tell me who you are, show me. less talk more do.

What is your greatest extravagance? publications. the easiest way to collect the art i cannot afford.

What music are you listening to right now? im not.

Name a special day for you. may 5.

What is your favorite movie without naming it? two women, one man. paint, spain and woody allen.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? i cannot.

What natural gift would you most like to possess? gab.

What or who is the greatest love of your life? b. but also freedom, I’m learning that one doesn’t balance out the other.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? my faith.

Where and when did your parents first meet? high school. toledo, ohio.

What would you do if you weren’t scared? longterm travel.

What is your most treasured possession? b. i can part with everything else.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? 9-5 corporate design for an artist with no outlets.

Open a nearby book and copy the first line you like. “Not just a plan of action, vagabonding is an outlook on life that emphasizes creativity, discovery, and the growth of the spirit.”

Where would you like to live? west coast.

What is your most marked characteristic? my smile.

What is the quality you most like in a man? charm, conversation, and curiosity.

What is the quality you most like in a woman? happiness, conversation and charisma.

What advice would you tell your 15 year old self? don’t worry— your skin will clear up and your hair will look good.

What do you most value in your friends? conversation, honesty and support.

Who is your favorite artist, writer, musician? kelly wearstler, audrey niffenegger, j.k. rowling, maxwell, jhene aiko

What would be the title of your memoir? bird & bee.

What is your motto? it takes the same amount of energy to wish as it does to plan.

wishvs.plan.

  "I knew who I was this morning, but I've changes a few times since then." —Alice in Wonderland

Twenty-thirteen was such an amazing year for me. Though I went from being super focused on a specific goal to once again feeling lost and unsure of my plans towards the end, I feel very confident and excited about what 2014 will hold for me. I pretty much summed up the year with my return post back in October so I want to focus on my new dreams, plans, and goals in no particular order (some vague, some specific) along with the quotes I want to carry with me.     Over all I want to travel a LOT more. get lost. make more art, see more art. ruin plans, make new ones. reach goals, make new ones. maybe blog, maybe not. be young, disconnect, don't worry. and continue to change my mind..

**all images are from my tumblr archive. if one is yours and you feel some typa way let me know!

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timing.

    i've been so productive lately and as a result i've had an overflow of ideas that i needed to get out somehow— so i started making collages again. there's something theraputic about moving around images and writing down thoughts with my hands verses a mouse and keyboard.

new collage work coming.

&igottheyayoi.

  Apparently I've been living under a rock because I'm just now discovering the work of Yayoi Kusama— "a reclusive, colorful, and endlessly intriguing character." How I didn't see her collaboration with Louis Vuitton last year—and fall in love then—or during college, is BEYOND me. but oh well. I'm ashamed. She's amazing. I'm obsessed. and now I just have to decide which book to purchase.         God I hope I'm this fabulous (and still doing what I love) when I'm 80.           one, two, three, four, five

rockets.

  About a month ago I finished reading "Three things you need to know about rockets," a memoir by Jessica Fox, and for the first time in a while I tore through the book and dogeared close to every other page. These are a couple of my favorite quotes/passages.. but the entire story is definitely worth the read.   "The artist's life cannot be otherwise than full of conflicts, for two forces are at war within him; on the one hand, the common human longing for happiness, satisfaction and security in life and on the other, a ruthless passion for creation which may go so far as to override every personal desire... There are hardly any exceptions to the rule that a person must pay dearly for the divine gift of creative fire." — Carl Jung   "When you choose one way out of many, all the ways you don't take are snuffed out like candles, as if they'd never existed. At that moment all of Will's choices existed at once. But to keep them all in existence meant doing nothing. He had to choose, after all." — Philip Pullman, The Amber Spyglass   "it occurred to me," I continued tentatively, "that the Holy Grail is not the treasure but the dream, like the carrot before the horse. It's the impulse that gets you off the couch and propels your journey. The problem arises when you don't allow your dream to change. In that case, if you seek it, hopefully you won't find it." "Why?" "Well, that would be a mid-life cries, wouldn't it? You finally get what you want, but didn't realize that the journey to getting it has informed who you are, so the grail you once dreamed about, that was supposed to bring perfect happiness — whether a car, house with a white picket fence or dream job — is, not likely, not going to make the current you feel fulfilled."   The Hindu concept of Dharma came to mind, what I understood to mean that we each have a responsibility to follow our own path — unique to ourselves, our interests and talents — for by doing so we give the space and opportunity for others to do the same. (Conversation copy omitted) By leaving to follow my dream, I was making room for someone else to follow theirs.

The back cover is a bit cliche/wanderlusty BUT I love that kind of stuff. "A book for anyone who has ever thought "What if" — a true story about a woman who dared to follow her dreams.." perf.

newstuff.

                Getting new magazines/books in the mail is literally as good as christmas to me. I recently picked up Man Repeller by Leandra Medine, The WAH Nails Book of Downtown Girls, MUUSE, and the Rookie Yearbook Two. Four COMPLETELY different publications, but delicious design goodness nonetheless. I especially love the rookie yearbook. I have the first one (of course) and wish these had been around when I was 13-16. I would have poured over pages (a la Amelia's Notebook anyone?). Reading them now is definitely nostalgic– and in the back of my mind I'd love to hold on to them until my hypothetical daughter/niece hits her preteen years. HA.

dangerousspark.

  my thoughts have been dangerous this week. and I definitely should not have read this article: 10 reasons you should never get a job. do not read it— it'll mess you up.

bluevelvet.

           

Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen's L.A. home. everything.

basically.

poundcake.

luck+ambition.

"Luck is basically ambition. You have to have ambition, if you don’t have ambition luck won’t come either." — Snask. This will be my motto for the month. Watch the video here, Via Bekka Palmer.

nothingwasthesame.

woah. hello, hi. it's been over a year since I posted and a billion things have changed in that time. I finally moved back to Los Angeles, worked at a fashion company and joined up with Social Gypsy (lost myself, found myself)— then 6mos later moved BACK to Charlotte, started a magazine, moved in with my guy, got a kitten, started a new job.. and promptly decided to move back to Los Angeles (Spring 2014) to further my design career, have some adventures with the boy and just figure out what the hell I want to do.

I don't plan to post everyday or even regularly, but I figure this is a better place to rant, document my magazine hoarding penchant, post random ratchet rap lyrics (sorry— guilty pleasure), design projects, inspirations and favorite quotes from books I'm reading.. If you're interested I will always be more active on Pinterest, Tumblr, and Instagram.. but let's see where this takes us.

C